One minute you’re jumping up and down with glee, calling your friends and family to share the joy, and the next minute doubt settles in, like a big rain cloud seemingly out of nowhere. You wonder, “What in the world did I just do?”
Symptoms of Buyer’s Remorse
All sorts of bad scenarios pop into your mind. You might imagine your spouse getting fired and wonder how you will make the mortgage payment. What happens if something breaks in your new home and you can’t afford to fix it? Did you pay too much for the home? Should you have looked for a different home to buy? Did all of this happen too quickly? Your head might spin. Can it get any worse? These are thoughts many first-time homebuyers have spiraling through their minds. This is buyer’s remorse at its finest. You might decide to find somebody else to help you quench these fears, maybe a family member or a close friend. This person might regale you with horror stories of the problems they’ve had with houses, further adding to your anxiety. It is all so clear now—your friend has found even more negative outcomes when buying a house. What if an asteroid hits Earth? You might be in debt forever.
The Treatment
If you find this is happening to you, break away and find a third party (that won’t stoke the flames) to talk over your fears and your buyer’s remorse. Speak with a person you trust who is not connected to your real estate transaction. Your real estate agent can help—agents are trained to help buyers deal with remorse—but you might feel better if the person was completely separate from the home buying process. It also helps to “Ben Franklin” the situation. This means to try to balance the pros and cons of any given circumstance. Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. Label the left side YES and the right side NO. Under the NO column, list the reasons not to buy the home, counterbalanced by the reasons to buy the home in the YES column. You might not be able to come up with any reasons to buy the home when you start this process, but by the time you finish, you might have many reasons to buy.
The Ben Franklin Approach
Begin by listing the reasons you feel uncomfortable moving forward with your home purchase. On the YES side of the column, you can begin to list the reasons to buy a home and reflect on them to counter the negative reasons on the NO side. Some of those might include privacy, control of your home, or simply calling a place your own. Cavemen claimed a cave because humans are territorial, and shelter is necessary. Modern humans are no different in that respect. Everyone needs a place to return to after a day of hunting and gathering, in which to raise a family or let their guard down and relax. Using this method of thinking about your purchase, your remorse will vanish and your cold feet will warm up. Remember, it is common to feel buyer’s remorse—but it passes when you remember what you want for yourself and your family.
